With Dr. Dar
Q. How do you raise your low self-esteem?
A. First let me say, many people suffer from low self-esteem (boys & girls), so you are not alone. But you need to understand that no one can make you feel bad about yourself--that is a choice
 you make. You can start increasing your self-esteem by not hanging around or listening to people who put you down (yes, this includes family members!). Surround yourself with people who love you and focus your mind and activities on doing things you love to do. Doing this will bring so much positive energy into your life.
I recommend that you buy yourself a journal--a very special one--and use it as your "self-esteem" journal. I have one of these that I keep near my bed for recording my feelings and progress toward my major life goals. (I also have one for my secrets and one for recording dreams.) On the first page of your "self-esteem" journal write each of these statements and then finish each one with whatever comes to your mind immediately. 1. My name is...and my favorite thing about myself is... 2. I am very good at... 3. People say that I have the best... 3. The thing I love to do most is... 4. My biggest dream is to... I like to finish the exercise with this reminder: "Life is a journey lived one day at a time.
Q. My best friend and I like the same person and I think he likes her more than me. She only likes him because I do. What do I do?
A. Boyfriends will come and go, but good girlfriends are difficult to find. If you really believe he likes her more than you, I say let her have him. Relationships should not be competitions. It's always better if they grow naturally. However, if she makes a habit of wanting what you want or have, you may need to reconsider your friendship with her. If she is one of those people who hangs with you for the wrong reasons, it's better to find out sooner rather than later. If your friend loses interest in this guy when you let him go, she may be more interested in getting what you have than in being your friend.
Q. How do I tell my mother that I lost my virginity?
A. It's hard to answer this question without knowing more about you. How old are you? What's going on in your life now that makes you want to discuss your virginity with your mom? Are you feeling guilty? Confused? Do you want advice about birth control? About ending the relationship?
Think about what you want to say to your mother and be prepared to answer her questions. You know your mother so you can probably guess how she will respond to this news. When you do tell your mother, try to do it in private and face to face. Find a time to sit down with your mother when she's not distracted. If you have little brothers and sisters arrange to talk with her after they are asleep.
No matter what your situation, you need to see a doctor for a check up, just to make sure your health is okay. Your doctor can advise you about different birth control methods and may offer help telling your mother that you have become sexually active. Your doctor can also help you learn how to protect yourself from health risks involved with being sexually active: sexually transmitted diseases like herpes virus, Chlamydia, genital warts, syphilis and Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV). The list is longer but I think you get my point.
Q. When I was younger an incident happened with someone in my house and I never told my mother. Should I tell her now so many years after?
What kind of incident? Was it inappropriate language or touching. Was it sexual abuse?
I strongly recommend that you tell a school counselor and your mother. I'm assuming that whatever happened to you was hurtful for you to keep this to yourself for years.
It is important for you to speak with a school counselor or school social worker who can help you deal with the many feelings you are probably having about the incident. Since you have held this secret for a long time and you are finally ready to talk about it, you have to be brave. A counselor will know what do with regard to helping you and doing what is necessary to protect other children from this person. Not only will a teacher or school counselor know what to do but they can also help you tell your mother. Be prepared for your mother to ask you questions and she will want to know why you didn't tell her before. Perhaps the person who harmed you threatened you. Now that you are older and not so easily bullied, a school counselor will know who to call to make sure that person can't harm you or anyone else again.
If you have a real talk question, please email us at: realtalk@esteemthemag.com.
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